A deeper understanding of my Savior’s love has greatly changed and heightened my standards to accept anything less in various areas of my life. A new realization about Christ’s relationship with the church has changed my understanding about how God-pleasing romantic relationships should be.
First, please listen to what I have learned and second, how it applies to real life. I understand that my thinking may be considered impractical or even outlandish, but I write this in an effort to seek Truth, not worldly support.
What I've learned:
Christ loves the church SO deeply, and He loves this way without expecting ANYTHING in return for the efforts of His love. Christ’s love is an adamant and hot pursuit after the church’s soul and He doesn’t give up until He acquires His bride. At first, the church could be reluctant to accept Christ’s love, flattered but not ready to give in fully, or scared of either excellence or failure. Never the less, the pursuit continues. Christ’s patiently overwhelmingly selfless and giving love, despite every feeling the church holds captive, begins to gradually break down the wall guarding its heart. Tiny holes in this wall allow Christ’s love to sharply pierce. This love is shocking because of its selflessness and genuinely persistent motives. The church may at this point feel unworthy or alarmed at such love it is experiencing. This love is so extreme and without expectation that the church’s heart melts as a result of Christ’s verbal truth and intentional action. At this point, if it so chooses, the church begins to love back ONLY because it was first loved by Christ. Christ’s love for the church is so powerful and so worthy that the church eventually feels no other desire than to give in and fall under the rush of His love. This love is wild and can be compared to nothing tangible. It consumes, pierces, and quenches. At given points in this pursuit, the church may ask, “Why are You loving me like this? What have I done to deserve such love? HOW can you love me in this way?” Christ’s only answer is this: “I love you because you have something I want—your soul. For the sole purpose of who you are, I love you first because my Father loved Me.” And praise God, if the church says, “Yes,” to Christ, the lovin’ doesn’t stop there. The mutual submission tends to both side’s needs and both feel pursued. In a nutshell, Christ hotly pursues the church and the church is able to accept the pursuit and respond to it because of the love that was first given. Then, after mutual submission, both sides are pursued, but it starts with Christ loving the church first.
How what I've learned applies to real life:
We ARE the church, and that same story is true for our real lives. To better understand how this applies to our lives, go back and re-read that story but replace “the church” with “I.”
Finally, the way in which Christ's love stoy between Him and the church applies to romance:
The story of Christ’s pursuit of the church and its acceptance and response to His love should be the mold by which Christians form romantic relationships. As old fashioned and absurd this may sound, I am sure Christ’s way is the most God-pleasing way to be in a relationship if one so chooses to do so. Consider this story, all dreams included: After Boy says, “Yes,” to Christ’s pursuit, Boy meets Girl who has said, “Yes,” to Christ’s pursuit. Mutually won over and deeply in love with Christ FIRST, Boy seeks to develop a friendship with Girl without any expectation of return or relationship. Boy sees that Girl has something he wants—her heart. Knowing full well that he has to pursue its Keeper to acquire it, Boy seeks to grow far deeper in love with Christ. At some point, Boy may want Girl to be in his life in a more personal way while Girl has yet to have such feelings or is oblivious to Boy’s efforts. All the while, Boy faithfully, persistently, respectfully, and patiently pursues Girl. Boy takes intentional action to show, validate, and protect Girl’s worth in Christ, unique beauty, dreams, etc. through things that make her feel special: encouragement with Scripture, special hang out time, verbal assurance of the Truth, distinctive surprises, and genuine friendship. These actions may flatter, cause fear in, or confuse Girl but none the less, Boy respectfully and patiently pursues Girl without expectation of return. Over time, Girl begins to see that Boy is showing special attention to her and she is likely to question what she has ever done to deserve such unconditional and selfless love. Boy thinks: “It’s your soul that I seek—that’s what makes you so beautiful and worth the efforts of my love.” Girl seeks her Keeper’s permission and hopes Boy will continue. Because of the love he has given her, Girl wants to respond and love Boy back. She sees how unconditional his love for her has been over the course of their friendship and wants to add “wood to the fire.” Boy, hopefully, will begin to see her response and wait for God’s “thumbs up,” Boy and Girl both know each other and each one’s family, and at this point of mutual desire to love, Boy tells Girl’s father figure. Going off what father figure says, Boy acts to establish a more definite relationship (That honestly could mean an engagement because when you know and love someone this much, what else is there to do but follow in obedience of marriage?). And the rest is a history full of mutual submission of wild and Christ-like love.
Call:
Why are we settling for less than a relationship that is modeled to a tee after Christ’s pursuit of the church? Why are we throwing our emotions around as if they’re ours to keep when our Savior pleads with us to guard our hearts? What has changed so that godly women feel as though they need to pursue a man, godly men feeling unable to pursue women as Christ does the church, and people being contented with flirtatious lifestyles and ungodly love? The pattern of lustful, casual, unbalanced, and wrongly led romantic relationships need to stop. We are loving (and being loved by) our boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives in ways that is not worthy of the Gospel of Christ. We are intentionally seeking ourselves in these relationships as opposed to the God who allowed them to happen. It is time to first, fall madly and recklessly in love with our Savior, second, for men to pursue the heart of a women as Christ does His church, and third, for women to accept this love, give it back because it was first given, and praise God for a love that is like His.
Bondage:
What are we waiting for? Why are we so afraid? What is there to lose when there is so much to give and gain?
Provision in Action:
God gave us His love. That alone is enough to blow our minds, but to give it to another person? That's stepping on heart-changing territory.
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