Change

Over my 15th summer, I fell in love with Jesus Christ and since then, I have acknowledged His persistent and faithful pursuit of my heart. It has been beautiful and it has been wild, especially over the past year or so. As time increases, my love for Him deepens. I cannot help but love the One is so adamant about loving me.

For my entire life, I have never been afraid to die. In fact, I even wished of it to save the life of another or to stand up for the cause of my Jesus. I had very missionary-like tendencies, but I chose to acknowledge them as a part of my personality, not my calling. However, two summers ago, when I was 18 years old, I felt for the first time a very heavy need for regular people to accept a missionary title. I saw that God had a place for me in missions, whether that meant in isle eight at the grocery store, in the projects of Chicago, or in the mountains of Iraq. I accepted God's command to, "Go," but I didn't surrender my plans to Him fully. I thought that I could still have my dreams and plans all while saying, "Yes" to commandments, too. I didn't realize that in order for me to live in God's will, I had to crucify my own, too.

For a very long time, I was a part of something that I had no business being a part of. It began as the product of my will and ended in obedience to God's will. As I denied myself something I was so sure of for so long, I crucified my very self. It was October 2, 2009. Everything changed that day. My entire being was dead in the most beautiful way and God began to fill me with everything that was Him: dreams, desires, characteristics, tendencies, etc. No longer was I Stephanie, Steph, Stevie, or whoever else, but I was renamed Beloved, Servant, Warrior, Bride, Lily in the making... My identity no longer stemmed from anything of myself. I was fully connected to the Life Giver that is Jesus Christ. I hung on the cross and Jesus was resurrecting me in power and in purity of everything that He is.

So for the past two months, I have lived such a rich freedom and deep-set joy that came as a direct result of surrendering my entire spirit, will, being, plans, loves, passions, everything. Everything that I used to be (both the negative and positive) hangs on the cross, right where it belongs. I am experiencing such bliss and contentment in the center of God's will and I cannot imagine how I survived outside this place for so long!

And the process continues...

...even now, God is re-arranging my career plans and making them His. They were mine for so long but after I surrendered them, He's beginning to read me a different story of how He wants me to spend my time here at Spring Arbor University.

Currently, my major is Secondary English Education and my minor is health education. I do not, however, ever see myself pursuing a career in public or private education. Instead, I envision a wide array of colors seated around my living room coffee table or in a hidden hideaway most do not know about teaching, edifying, and encouraging dry, thirsty hearts. I don't want to spend my life rambling about punctuation and Hamlet! I want to empower hearts for the Kingdom of God and provide Hope to those who have spent their lives looking for it for so long. I cannot be satisfied sitting on a cushy chair grading papers and going through red pens! I want to nourish lives for Christ! I'm sure that can happen in a classroom, but I do not believe it is my mission field. I love English, but I only want to teach it if it means it's the next step for one to read the Bible. I want to mentor people, laugh with them, invite them into my home, and see their faces light up with the Hope and Joy of Jesus Christ.

So could I be changing my major? Yes? What am I changing it to? I. Have. No. Idea. TESOL? Missions? Camp ministries? The possibilities are endless...But quite honestly, I want to have no say in this decision. Everything changes when God's will is your will, and I love it. He is reading a story to me that is far more beautiful that I could have ever written.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 Savior, You have been my richest, deepest desire and You're proving Yourself fully, fully faithful. I love that my desires are being reborn in to Yours.