One of the Best

This weekend was so amazing, so trying, and so eye opening.

It started off on Friday. Myself and three random (not in God's eyes) guys were driving to Somerset Beach Campground to spend the weekend with a bunch of other students at the Spiritual Life Retreat. Here I was, in some guy's car, singing along to music I had never heard of. I found myself thinking a lot. Am I really here with these people? I am really here... I go to Spring Arbor University, and I'm finalllllly here. I was smiling, singing, and confused as to why I was with these people.

When we got to the campground, Walt dropped me off at my cabin where I met a wonderful person named Betsy. Convinced she was a girl ready to graduate and uninterested in making friends with a little sophomore, I was afraid to even initate conversation. But, we did anyhow. She ended up being such a sweet girl with EVERY intention of making friends, despite age, despite anything. It was so nice to be desired of friendship.

At the service later that night, I asked God to answer specific questions I had. And do you know what? He practically threw the answers at me. Hurled them. Sometimes they were a slap in the face or a kick in the booty, but I need them.

This weekend, I learned something so huge. For a long time, I have been loving people so selfishly. Somewhere in the past few years, I've forgotten about my True Love and sought after the love of the people around me. If I was unfilfilled by the world, then I would begin to love to gain love. I thought that if I was a good girlfriend, a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good church member, a good student, a good grandaughter, then maybe, just maybe, I would earn love. How wrong is that? Loving to gain love? I find it a viscious, relentless cycle that never satisfies completely. It is so backward.

Instead of loving to gain love, I want (and am going to!) to love because God first and best loved me and to attempt to return the love that has been poured all over me by most people around me.

In addition to learning that, God really showed me that all while I need to be loving selflessly, I deserve that kind of love, too. I am worth it, and I am important. I don't need to be satisfied with less than God's best. Everyone deserves selfless love, and that's why everyone needs to love that way.

This weekend was SO different than every weekend I have ever experienced. I felt as though this weekend was so richly saturated in love... the amount I received was amazing, and I've never experienced that before. I am so used to feeling like I have to be perfect in order to be worth enough to be loved, but this weekend was different. Instead of being plastic people, nearly everybody was broken in some way. We didn't care about what we looked like or how we were or weren't impressing people. Instead, we all gathered with the like minds. We were there to be broken and to be mended by Jesus. And you know what, He did exactly that. All this love was being pushed around and sucked up and reused and poured out... And I got so much of it. People acted like they wanted to be my friend and like they cared that I was with them and that my friendship was valuable to them. It was so new, so beautiful, and so needed. For once in my life, people wanted to be my friend... THEY initiated friendship. This lovin' is new to me, and I am so thankful.

Love is like water. It is just needed.

And, to make you think a little bit, why live thirsty when you can be given a drink? Or, why let someone live thirsty when YOU can give them a drink?

Number One, ohhh Number One

Well, guys, this is my offical first blog of my entire life... I honestly have no idea how to blog or what I am going to say, but that's quite alright.

Today has proven to be somewhat challenging. I have had to rely on people other than myself, and that is a big struggle for me. Let's back up a bit. Yesterday, my mom came up to school to see me. She was supposed to bring some stuff I needed, but because of a slight misunderstanding, the stuff didn't get brought. You see, I need that stuff for this weekend, and if I don't have it, then I am going to be really, really, really unprepared. So, all day today, I have had to trust my mom's word that she is going to bring it. Time is running out, and my patience is being tested, but you know what? That's really just fine, because God promised me that everything I go through has been "gone through" before.

I like how this autosaves, by the way...

Anway, I am learning how to be less self-sufficient in how I live and carry myself. I think that's a good thing, too. God didn't make the body of Christ to be individualized. Actually, He did just the opposite. He made us all with special attributes that could add to His body as a whole. Sepearately, we're just a bunch of flesh. But when He brings us together and we ALLLLLL make an effort to serve eachother and think each other as useful parts, too, THEN we're a functioning, working BODY. THEN God is at our core. HE is what holds us all together. When Jesus Christ is our foundation, THEN we will be able to accomplish great things in our families, friendships, relationships, churches, and countries.

Pray for our missonaries, by the way... and if you want to obey God's word, then ask Him with listening ears where He wants you to go. Because honestly, didn't He command us to? Sometimes, that means go across the street or go into a certain isle at the grocery store. But is He telling you to go to Iraq or to India or to Mexico or to Canada or to Russia but you're just too scared you're life will change? Too scared to change your plans and surrender them to Christ??? How selfish have we become to deny Christ and take on ourselves? We are such a selfish creation, and it's quite disgusting.

But here's the good part.

WHILE we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

If He died, why can't we just GO like He told us to?