Psalm 139

Psalm 139
To the Creator. A psalm of His Lily

My gentle and intimate Lord, You have pursued me, desired me, and known me. You are well acquainted with all my ways, and You understand me even when no one else does. You guide me and correct me and care about everything I do. You know me perfectly, and this brings me so much comfort and assurance of Your love. You know even of the things which I have not done and the words which I have not spoken. You know these things, Beloved. Because of Your great knowledge, I do not have to walk in the dark in the fear of not knowing. You are ever before me, and in this I can walk securely. You are my safety. You are my stability. You are my comfort, my joy, my smile. Oh, Refuge, You protect me, and I have no reason to fear. I cannot be moved but by Your Word. Not a single thing can happen except by Your permission. My whole world is in Your hands, and in this I delight! I rejoice! I praise You! I seek You and I know You are found. Your hand holds me securely, and there I feel Your warmth and affection. I am dumbfounded by Your abundant lovingkindness. Your love toward me is so exceedingly extravagant. I lay back in a grove of affection as a carefree child supported by soft grass and wildflowers. You are with me, and You delight to stay. You know me. You know me. You know me... I reach for You, and I keep reaching.

I walk in confidence knowing that there is no where I can go and stray from Your presence. If I stay here, You know me. If I move to another state, You know me. If I travel far away from the ones I know, still yet, You know me. You know me. Oh, Refuge, oh Comfort, Oh Peace...You know me. In my wanderings and in my pursuits; in my fears and in my wonderings; in my joy and in my desire, You know me perfectly, thoroughly, intimately. I cannot escape from this joy, and here I stay. You will forever lead me and guide me, and always will you hold me close to Your side.

If I live to see my fear become reality, still there You know me and will be my light. Even in darkness, I am not hidden from You and this fear does not alarm You. God, You know every thing about me and desire to give good gifts to me as my gentle and generous heavenly Father. You were the One who made me the way I am. You understand my fear and my desire. You will not leave me to fear always and You will incline my heart to trust.

Your praise escapes my lips because it is You who knows me. You have made me, and You did not make a single mistake. I am Your creation, and Your creation is praiseworthy. Thank You for creating me in Your image and giving me the potential to walk in Your likeness. Oh, pour Your grace into me so that I may fulfill Your desire for creation! I understand why You've made me.

I can imagine Your face as you formed me in the secret place where I find You often. You beheld me with eager curiosity with such intricacy and precision and beauty. Oh, Your ability is amazing, Creator. You are perfect in all Your work. Take me to the place where You first created me, and create in me again a pure heart, a gentle and quiet spirit, a humble countenance, and a soul that burns brightly for You. Take me there, and help me know You.

You see me now Lord, so far from what You created Woman to be. You see me unformed, unrefined, misshapen, with strange affection toward things that are not You. You see me how You never intended to see Your creation: stained, bruised, cracked, dry. And You see all the days ahead of me, too. You see how You will redeem, restore, renew, and reshape me into one who is as the Lily who was trampled for my own selfishness. I see Your perfect patience and the longing grace in Your eyes, and I melt. I buckle. I crumble. You are so graceful, so beautiful, so generous.

You have such a high ideal of me, a wounded and broken sinner. You keep arms of love around me despite my unfaithfulness and inability to love You perfectly as You desire and deserve. You think well of me, You delight in me, You sing over me. Your mind is so rich and precious to me, and I do not understand You. I cannot comprehend Your love, but I know it is for me. You should look at me in regret, but You only see me, the one You love, the one You love perfectly.


I am among the wicked whom You should slay. I am among the men of blood who nailed You to a height of wood. I am among the unfaithful who forget Your Word and serve the self, living as if You are not God, the One who knows the depth of intricacy of man. I take Your name in vain. I am my own enemy.

Oh how merciful and generous You are. You know me and still You love me. Oh how merciful and generous You are.

Oh search me. Know me. Know my heart--and still love me. Give me opportunities to prove my love to You and see my intentions when I fail. See how I strive. See how I reach. See how I long to love You. See that I am my own enemy in desiring You.

Welcome me into Your arms when I've found You in that secret place where You made me and where You make me. Let the warmth of Your embrace rise affection within me, and take away everything You hate. You must let me stay, and You must make me new.

Give me victory over my enemy. Give me victory over myself.

I am in Your grip.

God Did WHAT???

I’m not quite sure we’ve truly believed God at His Word since the days of flannel grams, Nilla Wafers, and Dixie cups. We didn’t doubt our Sunday school teachers when they told us about how God created the entire world in six days flat, Adam and Eve knew God face to face and lived in the most beautiful place ever created or how Noah and his family were the only ones to survive the first rain the world had seen. We didn’t second guess the words of our teachers when they told us about how God supremely confused the mouths of the people of Babel or how Sarah had a baby when she was pushing one-hundred-years old. Most of us do not listen with anticipation at the Word of God like we probably did as children anymore. Instead, we are more likely to rationalize every last drop of mystery or overlook it entirely. What happened since our childhood to make us try and understand God or cram Him into a comfortable box?

There are a lot of weird things in the Bible, and they only grow weirder after Genesis. As I have been reading through the Old Testament, I have caught glimpses of God that I had forgotten about or attempted to rationalize with logic. He has given me a deeper understanding of His original plan for creation and His heart to see it restored once again. He has opened my heart to receive His Word with the type of faith with which only “foolish and naive” children believe. Am I ridiculous for believing God at His Word? I mean...He said it, and I mean, He can’t lie...Call me crazy, but I think I’m really onto something...

Lessons of Obedience from the Old Testament

The same lesson keeps sweeping in and out of my attention: trust God! He says to me, “Trust My Word, trust My promises, trust that I am ALL who I say I am. I cannot lie. I do not want to lie to you. I desire to give you good gifts because you are My child!”

This very wonderful and difficult lesson grew especially evident when I first began to read through the old testament this past summer. Now in Joshua, I have read countless accounts marking God’s desire for His people to only take Him at His Word and love Him fervently! Every word of instruction and commandment, every seemingly indefeatable battle, every tired step through the dessert: God was on His toes and increasingly ready to be ALL He said He’d be and do ALL He said He’d do. But there was only one condition: His people must heed to His Word and obey...

Did He ask for the obedience of His children out of spite or desire to oppress? I cannot hardly think so without remembering the character of my God. He longs to give us His blessings, otherwise He would not have voiced them! And God was not shy in talking about blessings. As anyone who has read through the early books in the old testament would know, God mentions these things rather often! To me, this shows His pressing desire to give generously. But unlike His love, I do not believe the blessings of God are conditional.

Again, we must obey. And what is our obedience to Him? Love.