Reflection

With the frozen ground under my feet and the snowflakes dancing down from the dark sky, I can't help but remember everything summer. My body is chilled, my cheeks are rosy, but to God be the glory, summer still fills my heart.

Nearly every single day this summer, I awoke with the sunrise and watched light explode across the horizon. With bright eyes,I met morning with Jesus beside me and together, we praised God for all that was around us. My favorite mornings were when the fog creeped across the surface of the lake and when all I could hear were the minnows swimming beneath my feet. Everything I loved was around me, and despite the extreme, heart-wretching pain I knew I would face each and every day that summer, I knew that just for that small amount of time, I'd know Love.

So morning greeted me with Love, but it didn't take long for the ripping, trashing, and tearing to take place. With just one look, a moment's avoidance, or a single word, I allowed a human to steal morning's glory from my heart and fill me with deep-set despair and great feelings of inadequacy and failure. Looking back now, I can only imagine the pain my Bridegroom had to have felt to see me at such a state. I feel foolish for allowing a human to poison me for so long, but even that had a purpose.

Morning turned into mid-day, and still, Love surrounded me. God continually, faithfully, persistently, and patiently pursued me with a wild, surprising, breathtaking, magnificent Love. I didn't see it then, but now I do. Each flower in the meadow, each dragon fly buzzing around my kyack, each curve of the dirt road, each lazy bee by the apple tree was a reminder of my King's undying love and desire for me.

I miss breaking out of the office, hopping on my bike, and pedaling has hard as I can until my muscles give out. I miss running up those huge hills and collapsing at the top. I miss sneaking into the lake in the morning and hoping my boss doesn't see me. I miss getting lost in the woods and discovering new country roads. I miss picking piles and piles of wildflowers only to see them all blow away in the wind. I miss the birds as my alarm clock and the apples outside my office as my snack. I miss catching minnows and burrying shells for the campers to find later that day. I miss running away from the skunk that lived under my camper and I miss the diamonds my Savior put in the sky for me each night.

The snow is beautiful but I miss almost everything summer. There's just something about nature that God uses to reveal Himself specifically to me, and I really, really miss it. I am entirely convinced that God grew every single wildflower to prove His love to me. For each little reminder that died off, He changed a leaf's color. And with each leaf that fell from the trees, He gave me a memory of something that once was. And now, just like every other day, I have the Word of my Savior and the snow that blankets the frozen, chilly ground as a reminder of just how much my Bridegroom loves me. I look forward to summer days coming again, but until then, I'll look up, see my Savior's love falling from the cloudy skies, and let summer fill my heart.

But even with all of summer's beauty, I'd never go back to it if it meant I had to experience it along side the poison I took in daily. As a result of my own will, I experienced pain and disappointment every single day this summer because I denied my Savior's plead to surrender.But praise God, I am able to be ridiculously thankful today for the rich blessings my Savior has been giving me daily as a result of this fall's obedience in surrender.

I no longer know fear. I no longer experience the pain I used to. My Savior's love is beginning to thickly cover my vivid memories of the pain of batterment and mistreatment. Freedom, bliss, joy, and laughter have been my heart's song for nearly three full months now and I cannot even express the sweet, sweet peace I feel as I lay completely content and entirely fulfilled in the arms of my Father.

So tomorrow I'll meet the sunrise with Jesus by my side, and together, we'll praise God for the radiance of winter and the bliss of surrender. He will be my sole pursuit, and I'll respond to His love. My day will be completely surrendered and God will move. Together, we'll warm the hearts of His people and spread the joy and victory of Jesus Christ and Him crucified.

Can I get an amen?